Something Needs to Change
It’s one of the biggest topics amongst mums – getting it all done. The laundry needs folding and everyone is hungry. The bathrooms haven’t been cleaned in a fortnight and you are supposed to be hosting a ladies’ night tonight. It’s 5.00pm and you’re exhausted. You eventually dish up ham and cheese sandwiches and quickly hide the dishes in the oven. You wipe down the vanity and toilet before your guests start arriving. The laundry gets chucked back in the dryer. Now the house looks half presentable but you know that all that work has just been added to tomorrow’s to do list.
You look at yourself in the mirror on the way to answer the door and suddenly remember you didn’t have a shower today. Consequently your hair looks like it hasn’t seen a comb or a hair tie in a week. You still have dough stuck to your fingernails from yesterday’s pizza making. You know something needs to change but what?
Remember our motto? More organization for less stress. Sometimes we just need some tweaking to our routine and some hacks to make a big difference. But for this post, let’s look at that title. Getting it all done. Sometimes, our ALL needs to change.
Have we over committed ourselves for our particular time of life? Are our kids over committed to activities? Have we said yes to every church or community activity? Are we out of the house every afternoon and consequently have no time at home to actually keep on top of the duties that need doing? Do we have unreasonable expectations on ourselves for the things we do around the house? Sometimes we are feeling overwhelmed but it is because we are not meant to be doing all those things.
I know, we feel we should be able to do all the things AND have a perfectly manicured house and appearance (and for type As like me, it is very easy to think we can). As hard as it is to admit though, it is just not possible. Each person’s balance in life will look different but the balance must be there. For me, keeping on top of the house and home schooling is more important than attending every activity I am invited to. Perhaps that is different for you. There is no wrong or right – you need to decide on what is the most important to you to get the balance right for your family. Every person’s definition of getting it all done is probably going to be different to the next.
What Are Your Priorities – For You
What are the most important activities you do for yourself? Is it the gym three times a week? A ladies’ group every Friday? Is it a monthly games night? Note it down. A special time for yourself is important for your mental health, your spiritual health, your physical health or all of the above.
But are you saying yes to too many things? Are you signed up for book club, quiz night, hosting ladies’ night and volunteering at the animal shelter every week? While all those things are good activities, are they all good for you to be doing now? Would dropping one or two give you some breathing space to keep on top of the house more so you aren’t stressed by the mess every time you walk in the door? Have a look at your schedule for yourself. Decide what is the most important for you at this time and what would serve you better to let go at this time. Remember this may change next month, next semester or next year.
What Are Your Priorities – For Your Kids
Kids don’t need to be doing extra curricular activities every afternoon. If you find you are spending hours playing mum’s taxi, sit the kids down and whittle down some of their schedule. Are they struggling to get homework done or simply exhausted because they are learning music plus two sports plus youth group? Kids can sometimes think they need to or can do it all. Perhaps it is time to step in and limit the number of things they are involved in. Include them in the decisions so they feel like they have some choice and input. For example, insist they only do one sport but give them the choice of which sport they do. Not only does this mean less time running around for you, it puts less pressure on the kids and helps them learn the balance between life’s responsibilities and activities.
What Are Your Priorities – For Your House
We all have things we wish we could get to around the house but we know there are things just have to be done. We need clean dishes and we need clean clothes and linen. The floor and bathroom needs to be clean and no one functions optimally with clutter everywhere. But sometimes we have expectations on ourselves that are unreasonable for our time of life. It’s not reasonable to expect yourself to clean your walls every week when you have a newborn. It’s not reasonable to expect yourself to clean your windows every week when you have five kids under the age of six. So note down your non-negotiables.
For me, that is a clean kitchen every night. Clothes folded within a day or two of washing and sheets washed once a week (or once a fortnight in winter since I don’t own a dryer). The table, vanities and benches wiped daily and the floor vacuumed every morning. Surfaces (table, bench, entertainment unit, floors) tidy and with minimal clutter. The bathrooms cleaned weekly and any spills cleaned up when they happen.
Now my children are older, I can add things like water and fertilize the garden to that list but they weren’t always there. I will always remember a friend’s comment once when I bemoaned the fact that I couldn’t keep on top of growing a vegetable garden. He kindly reminded me that I had a baby. Gardening would come later when the kids were less demanding of my time, energy and brain space. As a type A, that is not always an easy lesson to learn but it is a necessary one. So what is on your “must do” list for your house?
What Are Your Priorities – For Your Relationships
Obviously, you need to make time to spend with your significant other, your kids and your friends. If this pandemic has taught us anything, it is the value of those around us. But as always, we can have it out of balance. Do you tend to say yes to your girlfriends so much that you aren’t spending as much time with your partner as you should? Are you trying to attend every social event you can or signing your kids up for every class or group around? Are you finding that you are struggling to have strong, close friends because you are spreading yourself too thin? Maybe it’s time to drop a few of the extra social activities to prioritize quality over quantity.
What Are Your Priorities – For Self Care
You know, those things that should be done on a regular basis – exercise, dressing, grooming, cleanliness. Generally, these things fall under the category of self care. And then there are the other things – Scripture reading, prayer, mindfulness, meditation, hobbies, reading.
These will also change with your time of life. Are you demanding too much of yourself for where you are right now? Or do you go the other way and shrug off the need to take care of yourself? You’re a mum and isn’t messy hair and not having a shower part of the deal? Expecting yourself to always wear a full face of make up and perfectly blow dried hair every day is going to be overwhelming when you have two under two. But equally out of balance (in my opinion) is to neglect yourself just because you are a mum now (I cringe whenever I hear anyone say this but more on that in another blog post).
Yes, what you have time for will change. For example, now my youngest is 4, I have time to braid my hair, put on some mascara in the mornings and manicure my nails. But when he was a constantly fussy baby who wanted no one except me, my hair would be in a quick pony tail, I only wore make up for special occasions and my nails were clean and neat but bare. My ability to do other things also changed. When I had a baby, I could manage maybe 10-15 minutes exercise a couple times a week. I did my Scripture reading while breastfeeding the baby and I read a book only if the baby fell asleep on me. Now, I can slowly do a puzzle in the evenings, manage longer workouts and read a book before bed.
Are you expecting too much or do you need to tweak some routines to be able to improve your self care?
I hope this as given you something to think about when it comes to getting it all done. Next post, we will get to some routines and tips that can help us keep on top of our “must be done” list. With some time saving ideas and good time management habits, we might even be able to get to some of the “would be nice” list!
