Most of us love quizzes. We do all sorts, from what Disney princess we are most like to what kind of homemaker we are. They range from the kind we choose the answers and get a result at the end to the type we answer ourselves and collect a certain number of points, like how many of these unusual foods have you tried. There is one that I have seen on social media a few times that seems to pop up in various forms every few months or so that I have come to strongly dislike. Some variations I don’t mind as much as others but this one quiz has become one of my pet peeves in life. I cringe every time I see it. It is the “How High Maintenance Are You?” quiz. You know, this one:
You go through the list and you collect points according to your answers. Usually you will do it with some mum friends and there is often a bit of friendly rivalry to see who has the lowest score (because I mean, who wants to be considered “high maintenance”?)
Before I go further, allow me to state a disclaimer. We all have periods as mums that we are struggling to get time for ourselves, whether that is a new baby, illness going through the house etc. This post is not meant for those times in our lives. This post is simply meant to ask a few questions and make people think about some of the attitudes that we as mothers have probably unknowingly adopted.
Let’s start with that top one. Not all of these kinds of quizzes include it but this one is my biggest peeve. “Shower every day.” Certainly after puberty, a daily shower is simply basic personal hygiene. Since when did it become a sign of being high maintenance??? How did we as mothers get from showers being a necessary part of our daily life to considering them some kind of indulgent luxury? How do we expect to teach our children the value of personal cleanliness if we don’t even shower every day and demonstrate our own cleanliness is a priority? Maybe it is time to reconsider daily routines to find 5-10 minutes to have a shower, whether that be in the morning or at night, and set the example to our children that personal hygiene is important.
Some of these items I feel can vary greatly in their time demand. When my children were babies, I always wore my hair in a high ponytail or a neat bun to keep it away from grabby hands. It took me all of 60 seconds, usually while I waited for the hot water when I had a shower. Perhaps the quiz is assuming you would spend half an hour curling or straightening or another more time intensive hair style, though it does have a separate category for spending more than 20 minutes doing your hair. Again, how can we expect our children to present themselves with basic neatness if we don’t do it ourselves? I’m sure we all want them to learn the habits of combing their hair or doing it neatly? Doing so shows respect for those around us and for ourselves but it is difficult to expect our children to routinely do something we don’t.
The specific one I’m going highlight is this one: “More than 1 outfit per day.” Now, I am going to suppose they mean getting changed for the sake of it, but as mothers we often wear more than one outfit a day. The baby vomited on our shirt, a nappy leaked on our lap, the toddler dropped their buttered bread on our dress… the list could go on. We shouldn’t feel like we are being “high maintenance” if we change out of our buttery, vomity or dirty clothes.
That nicely brings me to my final thoughts. There is a line between being vain and taking care of ourselves. That line will not be the same for everyone. But it saddens me when I see mothers boasting how little they take care of themselves, even in basic personal hygiene. It also saddens me when I see women being made to feel guilty because they spend time doing their hair, wear make up or jewellery, have their nails done or wax their legs every month. We have somehow adopted the attitude that taking care of ourselves in any fashion is selfish. What if we set an example to our children that spending a few minutes to be clean and groomed is important, not only for our physical health but our mental health as well? Can we change the narrative that mothers are supposed to be wearing 5 day old vomited on clothes with their hair in a messy bun and doom my pet peeve to irrelevancy? Or are we going to persist with the attitude that we aren’t important enough or such outward things don’t matter?
